Tips to Decreasing Frustrations for Late Talkers
What is one of the hardest parts about waiting for speech and language to come? The frustrations it can bring to both you and your child! Knowing your child wants something but can’t tell you can be very stressful and can lead to difficult situations.
We came up with several tips to help reduce these situations. These are tips we have used with families over the years, and being able to put some of these in place ahead of time will often keep the tears at bay. Of course, every child is different, and you know your child best, but hopefully a couple of these will work to help decrease communication frustrations. These tips are also discussed more in depth in this podcast.
#1: ROUTINE!
Kids like to know what to expect. When they don’t have the words to communicate yet they don’t feel like they have any control. Routine helps give that sense of control and helps set expectations. Keeping daily routines such as bath time, bedtime, mealtimes and when it’s time to leave the house will help a child know what’s coming. The repetition and consistency keep their needs being met, along with learning a sequence of events and the language/vocabulary involved that stays the same day in and day out.
#2: Visual Cues and Picture Schedules
Snap some pictures of the steps your child takes when it’s time to brush teeth and stick it in their bathroom. This is a great time to practice labeling actions, and kids know what’s coming next. Or, maybe it’s getting out the door that’s tough. Take pictures of the steps needed, and let them decide the order to do things based on the pictures. Again, they are getting to be in control of the process, seeing and hearing the vocabulary, and still getting it done.
#3: Timers
These are also great for certain routines. Setting a timer is a clear way to let your child know it’s time to be done with an activity. It’s concrete and can serve as a visual cue. Using a timer for activities might take a few times for a child to pick up on, but once they do it’s just one more way to help transition throughout activities and show expectations. Timers can also be stressful for a child waiting for the countdown, so remember, know what reinforces and works for your child and go with that!
#4: A Photobook
Print snapshots of your child’s FAVORITE things! Photos of the people they like to see, the places they like to go and their favorite foods, toys and activities. Put them in a little soft flip book. Not only can you use this book to practice language and vocabulary, but this can sometimes serve as a repair strategy when you are not able to understand what your child is asking for. Offer the book and see if the picture is in there for them to point to. Chances are it’s probably not…that’s just how it goes. But, maybe the photo book will be a good distraction OR interest them in something else they might want to do. It’s just one more option to try. Plus, who doesn’t like looking through pics of their favorite things?! These are most likely going to be first words also, so repeating and modeling them will be highly reinforcing.
Let’s talk about them requesting something from the book that can’t happen in the moment. Maybe they find the photo of the park at bedtime and bring it to you. That’s just not going to happen (or maybe you’re a much cooler parent than me, and you get shoes on a head to the park – win!). But if not, it’s hard to learn to accept no, and there will be a natural process for a child to learn that. The fact that there was a request though, you understood it, and you could acknowledge it and react to it is an important process to continuing to build strong communication skills. Even if it ended in tears, that’s a normal response to toddlers being told no to something they want right now!
#5: Making Choices
This strategy tries to put you ahead of the game. Is it snack time? Pull 2 things out and offer a choice. Bedtime? Present two books and let your child choose one. This might not be the one they were going to choose, but this is what you are offering, and it is serving the purpose of them getting to make a request and be in charge. If you listen to the podcast, we give some good examples on how to teach making a choice. Learning that concept of “first” and having to pick one when making a choice sometimes needs to be taught.
#6: A Few Simple Signs
If your child isn’t speaking words yet, helping them learn a few simple signs can help decrease some frustrating moments. You can do this by modeling the sign, or showing them how to do it with their own hands. It might take some practice (and fine motor skills), but having a sign that you know your child can make and everyone who needs to know understands can sometimes be a game changer. It needs to be easy and quick to be useful. Once established, it’s just one more way to acknowledge and validate communication, often encouraging vocal communication. It can demonstrate that power of communication. Some of our favorite first signs to teach are “help” and “all done.” In the podcast (definitely worth listening to for more in-depth reasoning on why we like certain signs), we talk about our thoughts on the sign “more.” How and when we use it, why and when we don’t 😊.
#7: Yes and No Head Nod
This is one we don’t focus on for too long, and it’s honestly at the bottom of our list. It usually comes later, but it’s worth a try to see if a child picks up on it. I prefer to just model the concept during play and activities. Ask questions and model “yes” and “no” responses. If it becomes something a child starts to comprehend and use, this can sometimes be a useful tool to help get clues about what a child wants or needs.
We hope some, or even one, of these tips might be something you can try at home while working on speech if you’re starting to see some frustrations in your child. If they don’t work, or you still get to a point of frustration, focus on calming and regulating. Once they are upset, it’s never the best time to try and teach! Redirect, give some hugs, take a walk outside and just try to encourage them again with their communication!